I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

I'm so drunk, I feel like chicken tonight (well somebody had to didn't they?!)

I'm so drunk, I feel like the top of this metal scaffolding is the perfect place to prove to everyone that I can fly

I'm so drunk, I feel like I'll do any hole tonight, mine or their's.

I'm so drunk, I feel like a lightweight goldfish in a bowl of whiskey.

I'm so drunk, I feel like I better make the most of this super model noshing me off

I'm so drunk, I feel like my own bed would make the perfect urinal