I’m about as happy as blind poof in a hotdog factory

I’m about as happy as Pig in shit

I’m about as happy as a termite in a lumberyard

I’m about as happy as a beatific bundle of blissfulness.

I’m about as happy as a nun in a cucumber patch.

I’m about as happy as a crack addict

Early 19th century tampons looked like a servant with bloody fingers.

Early 19th century tampons looked like little paper vagina-hats.

Early 19th century tampons looked like they were designed by a man who last saw a vagina at his own birth, and believed periods are a form of punctuation

Early 19th century tampons looked like small buckets, worn neatly between the thighs

Early 19th century tampons looked like bloodstained white lab mice.

Early 19th century tampons looked like strawberry ice lollies, red, on a stick and extremely messy after an hour...